Sean E. Britten

All There in the (Monster) Manual are stories based on creatures from the Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual. Over 2022 I released a different story fitting the theme every single week and I’ve now expanded to Dungeons & Dragons’ Monsters of the Multiverse and even the Pathfinder Bestiary. Could be fantasy, science fiction, horror, or something else entirely! Check them out on the main page of the website.

This Week’s Inspiration: Iron Golem

To win the heart of the princess, Theo must venture deep into the land of the dead, defeat a monster and climb a tower. But be warned, sickness and other dangers lurk within these strange ruins.

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Theo brought his horse to a stop at the edge of the land of the dead. Across the broad expanse of the river, huge, broken spars emerged like lurking beasts out of a wall of cloud. Taller than the tallest trees, rivalling mountains in sheer vertical height, but chiselled and burnt. Nothing moved among those ancient ruins even though he’d been told they were once home to millions, tens of millions. Unimaginable numbers of people.

Leaving the horse, Theo approached the water’s edge. Once, according to the Elder One, there’d been bridges and tunnels in and out of the land of the dead, great island that it was, but they’d all been destroyed. To get across he would need to build a raft.

Theo spent most of the day gathering materials and constructing his raft. By the time he finished it was too dark to make the crossing. He camped near the water, his horse wickering, his campfire throwing an insignificant little orange glow into the lightless black of the night.

Across the river, the land of the dead remained steeped in utter silence. All Theo could hear was water lapping against the land’s edge. Somewhere on the island, however, a princess waited in a tower. Theo had sworn to travel far, to cross into the land of the dead, and to win the princess’ heart. The journey would not be an easy one. The dead were not alone, and he’d been warned that the princess’ tower was guarded by a terrible monster.

Theo slept fitfully and rose at dawn. He left the horse penned in a grassy area where it would have food and water enough for a few days. Launching his raft, he paddled out onto the river. The mist was so thick, he could not see the monstrous spars of ruin ahead. What remained of the nearest bridges spanned into the grey as if they stretched on forever. It took a long time for the mist to lift. Currents in the river were unpredictable and his muscles burned by the time he made it across. Waves lapped banks of broken rock and rotting timbers. Theo beached the raft and climbed, dragging it behind him until it was above the tide, avoiding broken glass and spears of rust.

To survive in the land of the dead, to reach the princess and win her heart, with the Elder One’s permission Theo had raided the village’s armoury of relics. In a weathered holster on his belt, he kept a Smithee Wessa with three well preserved boolitts. He had two red hotsticks, as potential weapons or emergency illumination, an Emenpea, small and boxy and vitally important, and the Ticky Box.

Theo retrieved the Ticky Box and switched it on. Sickness still clung to the gaping canyons of the land of the dead and the Ticky Box would help him avoid the worst of it. The ancient box rattled and started clicking, a needle bouncing behind a hazy window. Its readings were not much worse than at home, he would just have to be careful.

Heart racing, Theo ventured deeper into the land of the dead. Ancient ruins closed around him, burned black and lifeless. Looking up at the length of them gave Theo a similar sensation to standing at the lip of a tremendous cliff face and peering down. The ground underfoot was uneven and frequently he found his path blocked. The land of the dead, he’d been told, was laid out in an enormous grid. To find his way to the princess’ tower, he just had to look for timeworn signposts with faded numbers. The dead crowded him on all sides. He couldn’t see them but he could feel the weight of them everywhere he turned.

Between blocked passages and avoiding the sickness, Theo struggled to find his way. The day remained so thick and grey that the tops of some ruins remained buried in clouds. Most were open to the skies, their structures buckled and fused by unimaginable heat. Rubble sheared from their sides filled the streets. Everything remained still and silent but from time to time Theo felt like he was watched by things other than the dead. They stuck to the shadows and followed at a distance. He kept the Smithee Wessa close at hand.

Theo had been told not to sleep in the land of the dead, it was too dangerous. But if he was going to find the princess and win her heart, he didn’t have time to backtrack and start again the next day. As it got late, he found a place to camp in the shell of a brick building. With his flint, Theo created a fire deep in the shade of the building where its glow couldn’t be seen from far afield. He’d checked the Ticky Box to be sure he was safe from the sickness. Unwrapping some of the food he carried, however, he heard movement at the front of the building. Theo rose to his feet, hand resting on the Smithee Wessa. His long knife hung from the other side of his belt.

“Who goes there?” Theo shouted into the darkness.

The words echoed and were swallowed by the stillness pervading the land of the dead. There came no answer but at the furthest reaches of the firelight Theo could sense pale shapes moving in the darkness. Half-Lifes, wretched creatures borne of congress between the living and the dead. They carried the sickness in its worst form, according to the Elder One. They were out there, waiting for him to fall asleep so they could steal his belongings and very possibly kill and eat him, or drag him to their ancient ‘sumway’ tunnels beneath the land of the dead.

“You’ll find no easy meal here, Half-Lifes!”

Theo reached for one of the hotsticks he carried on his belt. Ripping the top free, the incandescent flame it created made him flinch. Its centre burned as bright as the sun, and hissed and threw sparks which he had to aim away from himself.

Naked humanoid shapes with paper pale skins scurried clear of the light. Their faces and bodies were deformed. Fatty nodules, advanced signs of the sickness, hung from their faces, necks, under their arms, chests, everywhere. Theo strode forward, raising the hotstick like a beacon. The Half-Lifes scattered, back to their hiding places. Unfortunately, the hotsticks were a one-time use only, same with the boolitts. He hoped the scare would be enough to keep the Half-Lifes away.

In spite of how tired Theo felt, he slept fitfully again that night. One hand rested on the Smithee Wessa the entire time. He made it to dawn without being attacked by Half-Lifes. His campfire burned down to ashes. Shafts of sunlight did their best to peek through the thick blankets of cloud between towering ruins.

Navigating by numbered signs, Theo continued his search. He began to see less rubble and more plantlife. Ruins looked more complete and less burnt, and streets were less often blocked. He was cautious, however, as he knew he was getting into the territory where the monster who guarded the princess’ tower roamed.

Up ahead, Theo saw it. The princess’ tower, just as the Elder One had described it. The structures to either side of it had collapsed into greyish piles of rubble and dust but the tower of ruddy red brick stood straight and tall. Large, circular windows, still complete with glass, marked the top floor. Gardens around the base of the tower had overgrown and covered the red brick tower in green and brilliantly flowering vines. Here, in this dead place, it looked like a magical explosion of colour.

At the top of the tower, Theo’s princess waited. Perhaps half-imagined, he thought he saw a shade move behind one of the round windows. Excitement took hold and he started toward the entrance of the tower without thinking.

With a strange, shrieking groan, a heap of rubble beside the princess’ tower shifted. Something rose out of the pile, exposing slabs of battered, dark green exoskeleton. Theo stopped and wheeled backward. The monster that guarded the princess’ tower! Automatically, he reached for the Smithee Wessa on his belt.

The monster was as big as many of the buildings back in Theo’s village. As long as ten horses and twice the height of a man at the shoulder. Shaking off clunks of ruin, its whole body screamed. Its huge, round head fixed on the adventurer and appeared to take his measure. Its body was shaped much like a beetle, segmented into bulbous sections covered in thick, green shell, with six stumpy legs.

Breaking to one side, Theo sprinted across the ruined street. The monster rampaged toward him. Its feet, shod with great metal hooves, cratered the ground underneath it. Theo aimed the Smithee Wessa at the creature’s strange face where he’d been told it was vulnerable, and he squeezed the weapon’s trigger. The relic exploded in his hand. He was shocked by the noise which echoed through the land of the dead, and by the kick that slammed into his arm. The monster had glassy eyes of various sizes protected by a kind of clear dome. The single boolitt did nothing to injure the beast.

Various barrels and boxy extensions protruded off the monster’s back. They had the look of weapons, like Theo’s Smithee Wessa. As they fixed on Theo though, all the barrels did was make loud clicking and coughing sounds. Joints rubbed together and whined. The monster kept coming to try to ram him or crush him underfoot.

Theo fired the relic twice more, emptying its cylinder, without damaging the monster. It continued to groan and shriek its way after him. The boolitts were only distractions. Theo knew there was just one way to defeat the monster. Theo dropped the Smithee Wessa into its holster and reached for the second hotstick. Ripping off the top, he ignited its brilliant glow. The Elder One had suggested the monster might have trouble seeing, and would look for heat. He moved the blazing cylinder back and forth for a few moments, watching the monster track it, and then he threw it away from him. Creaking, the monster’s round head followed the hotstick.

Theo ran not away but toward the monster. As he ran, he reached for his satchel and removed the Emenpea he’d taken from the armoury of relics back in his village. It was about the same size as the Ticky Box. One side of it peeled away to reveal a magnetised base, the other side covered in switches and dials. Theo activated it exactly as the Elder One had instructed him and felt the brick come to life in his hands.

The monster turned back in Theo’s direction. Its feet stomped. Theo let himself fall, sliding beneath the monster. Hitting one of the switches, he tossed the Emenpea at the underside of the monster’s head. It attached itself, sticking, with a hollow clang. Theo kept moving, rolling and escaping beneath the monster’s hooves.

With a bang, the Emenpea split itself open. Lightning flew across the skin of the monster, filling the air with a burnt smell. Instantly, the groaning noises ceased. One foot still raised, the monster juddered to a stop. Theo watched carefully. The monster didn’t look any different but the Emenpea had chased the life from it instantly. It was just another relic in the land of the dead.

Taking his long knife, Theo hacked his way through the vines covering the entrance to the princess’ tower. Inside was dark and dusty but there was enough light in the stairwell for him to see. Vines also choked the inside of the building and Theo cut his way through. Some sections of the stairs and walls had collapsed, and Theo took care as he made his way to the top of the tower.

Pausing outside the door of the princess’ room, Theo listened. He got only a vague sense of gentle movement. Using the tip of his knife, he prodded the door open.

The princess sat in a rotting armchair across the room. Sunlight filled one of the circular windows beside her. Theo was struck by her beauty, Waves of golden hair spilled down her shoulders and back. A soft hexagonal pattern showed on her exposed skin. It disappeared as she turned to face him. Her smile was more brilliant than any Theo had ever seen. She wore a peach dress that had faded almost to white down its front.

“H-h-h-h-hey, sai-sai-sailor,” she said, voice shaking. “Look-look-looking for a g-g-g-g-good, ti-time-time?”

The princess creaked her way out of the rotting chair. Crossing the room, her movements were like those of a broken toy. An old piece of clockwork winding its way down to an end. Her feet stutter-stopped across the worn carpet, shoulders jerking as they moved. In spite of the unnatural motions, with the sunlight behind her the princess looked like some kind of heavenly vision. Like a goddess from a faraway time and place.

“I’ve be-be-been-been wa-wa-wa-waiting for y-y-y-y-y-y-you for so-so long.”

Dropping his knife, Theo reached up and cradled the side of the princess’ face. Her perfect teeth beamed. He felt his heart racing. After a few moments, his other hand reached around the back of her head. The princess did nothing to resist as he wrenched her suddenly forward and twisted. Her neck let out a loud pop. Rubber flesh tore and fell away.

Neck sparking, the princess’ headless body tipped backward and landed heavily. In Theo’s hands, her beautiful face went slack and lifeless. He put the head aside and picked up his knife again.

To reach the princess’ heart, Theo cut away the front of her faded dress and went through the chest. Beneath layers of rubbery flesh was a steel chassis. As the Elder One has instructed him, the princess’ heart was located inside a panel on the chassis, a ribbed cylinder about a handspan in length with a soft blue glow still fading from its sides. Carefully, he unplugged the heart and removed it, stowing it in his satchel.

Theo returned through the land of the dead to his raft and crossed the river before dark. He camped for the night, sleeping better than he had the previous two nights, and the next morning he mounted his horse and set off back in the direction of home.

Theo’s village was buried deep in the trees, surrounded by fields of vegetables and crops. Animals grunted and clucked, milling between wooden cabins. Other residents stopped to watch him pass. Theo didn’t pause, however, until he reached the village clinic. Inside, bits of ancient equipment lined the walls. Relics of varying levels of usefulness. A spindly humanoid figure hung from the ceiling on a kind of metal arm.

Theo removed the princess’ heart from his satchel. An open cavity matched the exact dimensions of the heart on the spindly doctoring machine’s back. Running cords into the plugs, he installed the heart and with a hum the doctor came to life. Tiny blades and other instruments flitted on the ends of the doctor’s fingers. The Elder One appeared in the doorway to the clinic. Tall but stooped, his hair was white and his face lined with creases.

“Theodore, you’ve returned. You were successful?” the Elder One asked.

“The clockwork princess was right where you said she would be,” Theo said.

“And the monster?”

“That too, but the Emenpea did its work. Is she alright?”

“Yes, I’ll get her now.”

Soon, the Elder One returned with a woman just as old as him, frail, and with a swollen nodule disfiguring the side of her throat. Signs of the sickness, almost every member of the village bore scars from their removal. For the old woman though, the Elder One has said this most recent node was too close to one of the arteries in her neck to risk removing. Only the mechanical doctor could manage such a delicate surgery but its power source, while rechargeable, had given out long ago. The old woman settled onto the table in the middle of the clinic.

“Theo, I told you not to go!” the old woman said, eyes shining with unspent tears. “It was too dangerous a journey to go all that way for me.”

“It was nothing.”

“You can say that now that you’re back, I suppose. The princess, was she as beautiful as they say?”

Theo smiled. “Grandmother, you’re the only princess for me.”

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Sean: You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all to Hell!

I’m actually pretty obsessed with apocalyptic literature and film, probably my number one form of entertainment. I don’t think I’ve written that much of it in short story form though, have I? This isn’t even the first fairy tale I’ve set in a post apocalyptic wasteland so maybe I’m misremembering.

Anyway, this is also a story I’ve had bouncing around my head for more than a year. Like, I’m pretty sure I came up with the concept when I was trying to think of as many story ideas for All There in the (Monster) Manual as possible before 2022 had even started. But I think I envisioned it originally as told in more of a fairytale style and I just couldn’t quite get the voice. My last story was inspired by the Stone Golem, this was the Iron Golem and once again that thing I mentioned about the bits and pieces of the ‘monster’ making a lot of noise as they rub together when it moves makes an appearance. Maybe I should be careful not to overuse it. Or better yet, I’ve already got Dractoberfest, maybe next year I should dedicate a month to golem and animated statue stories. Golembruary… Augolemgust…