Tim and Lisa have sharks. As their hunting grounds are cleaned out, these cold-blooded killer fish have come to infest the pair’s inner city apartment. And that’s just the beginning of their problems.

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It started with the mystery object sitting in the kitchen sink. About ten centimetres long, shaped like a football and surrounded by a spiral of fins. Green so dark it was almost black. It looked like a zucchini designed by a seven-year-old boy.

Tim was tidying around the sink when he saw it. Lisa had gone out last night for a friend’s birthday so Tim ordered pizza and drank a few beers while he watched the footy, and empty bottles sat around the sink. Picking up the weird object, he found its texture felt rubbery like seaweed. Hollow, and split open. A couple of shrivelled cords trailed off one end like it was meant to plug into something. Maybe it was one of those Chinese vegetables he saw in the supermarket sometimes but never bought and couldn’t name. That didn’t explain where it had come from though, unless Lisa had brought it home. Tim rubbed the split in its side and water dribbled out. It even smelled a little like seaweed, and salt.